On the way

On this feast day of St. Therese of Lisieux, Doctor of the Church, I feel compelled to say a word to honor her here.

This summer, in a wild surge of spontaneity and bravado, I took off to France for a vacation by myself (a solocation, as one friend called it). It was in wandering through the cathedral Notre Dame de Paris that I was gripped by this photograph of St. Thérèse of Lisieux, on display as part of a tribute to this young French saint.

St. Thérèse of the Child Jesus, "the Little Flower", is my confirmation saint.  I've visited her basilica in Lisieux, France; I've read poetry by her, books about her, and even saw a movie made about her many years ago.  But never have I encountered a photo like this - an image of a young woman on the way.

Often in our retelling of the lives of the saints, we lose sight of their daily human reality.  Even in gritty, honest biographies such as The Seven Storey Mountain, the ambiguity of daily life yields to a cohesive plot.  The story has a beginning, a middle, and an end--and worse, we know the end!  Canonized sainthood.*  We don't readily remember that holiness happens one day at a time.

This photograph brings the dailyness of a journey to God and the fulfillment of vocation into focus for me.  Unlike the more popular photos showing the two poles of Thérèse's life, either as a doll-faced little girl or as an adult nun in layers upon layers of a full habit, this photo shows 22 year old Thérèse playing the role of Joan of Arc in a theatrical piece she composed about Joan for her Carmelite sisters.  Here she is, serving her community, inspired by the saints before her, and yes - with her long, curly hair down!  In between child and saint, she is just a young woman, living out what she believes to be God's will for her in whatever way she knows how, yearning to love with her whole being, but still entirely unaware of how her story ends.  She didn't suddenly transform from darling child to saintly nun - she walked the journey, step by step.

When it comes to the journey to sainthood, we are all on the way.  We ride the ebb and flow of the day-to-day, working out our holiness and living our vocation (both of which can be moving targets) one step at a time. May the grace that filled Thérèse's days in between be present in us on our own "little ways".

--

For writings of contemporary women "on the way", follow the blog "Diary of a Sister-in-Training" by Tracy Kemme, a community mate from my year in Ecuador, who is in her first year of formation with the Sisters of Charity of Cincinatti and is ministering on the El Paso / Juarez border.

And of course, my dear friend Colleen Gibson shares her journey into becoming a Sister of St. Joseph in her blog "Being My Vocation". Colleen entered the novitiate in Philadelphia on September 19th.

--

*well, not yet canonized sainthood for Thomas Merton.  But saintliness, for sure.

Advent's joyful hope (and my birthday wish).

Dear family, friends, and blog-readers,

In the middle of this hectic time of year, when many of us are busy decking the halls and crowding the malls in anticipation of the season of giving, I’d like to invite you to pause for a moment and consider the season already upon us: Advent.

Advent is the quiet liturgical season that gently carries us from Thanksgiving’s feasts to the excitement of Christmas morning, calling us to wait, watch, and prepare with joyful and expectant hope for God to break into the reality of our lives.  It looks back on what God has already done in the world through Christ, while also looking forward to Christ’s return.  I believe many of us feel this back-and-forth dynamic naturally at this time of year; as New Year’s Eve approaches, we reflect on the joys and challenges of the year past, and name our hopes and dreams for the year to come. 

For me, this reflective dynamic is even more present as I also look forward to my 25^th birthday on December 15^th.  As I think back on the past few years of being “in my twenties”, what marks this reflection is my year spent in Duran, Ecuador through the organization Rostro de Cristo.  Many of you have a sense of the impact this experience has had on my life (and perhaps followed my blog while I was there), and I can honestly say that not a day goes by that I am not filled with gratitude and affection for my time in Ecuador and the neighbors, friends, and children who were the ‘face of Christ’ to me. 

This past July I was able to visit Duran again, where I witnessed in a new and challenging way the endurance of the pain and suffering cause by poverty.  While my life has continued move forward and flourish, my friends in Ecuador (and millions of people around the world) remain fighting the daily battles against poverty and oppression in order to care for their family in the most basic ways.  The reality of their individual and collective lives truly embodies the spirit of Advent—a firm belief in the salvation already won by Christ, with a lived hope in the much-needed transformation of our world.

It is in this spirit of Advent that I am committing my 25^th birthday to fundraising for Rostro de Cristo, that, rooted in faith and motivated by love, the work they do to participate in the transformation of our world might continue.   I invite you to prayerfully consider a donation of $25, in honor of my 25^th birthday, or whatever you can afford at this time.  For some perspective-- $25 runs one of our after-school programs for a week; $50 provides a volunteer’s stipend for a month.  And, as a birthday gift to myself, I will match your donations, up to $250, because Rostro de Cristo is so special to me. 

To make it easy for you to donate online, I have created a website for my birthday wish.  Rostro de Cristo is a 501(c)3 non-profit and all donations are tax deductible (you will receive the tax form from the causes.com website).  I will keep the website active until Christmas day.  If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to be in touch.

Thank you for considering my birthday wish this year.  I know that your generosity will help bring Advent’s joyful hope to so many people in Ecuador, and I pray that the remaining days of Advent prepare us to welcome God into our lives.

Gratefully,

Elyse

P.S.  If you have an extra minute, please watch this two-minute video called Advent Conspiracy.  It can help us keep this “holiday season” in perspective.  Then, if you have any shopping left to do, check out Catholic Relief Services’ beautiful fair trade, handmade crafts!

Wait. Watch. Advent.

First Sunday of Advent

November 27, 2011

Gospel, Mark 13:33-37

Jesus said to his disciples:
"Be watchful! Be alert!
You do not know when the time will come.
It is like a man traveling abroad.
He leaves home and places his servants in charge,
each with his own work,
and orders the gatekeeper to be on the watch.
Watch, therefore;
you do not know when the Lord of the house is coming,
whether in the evening, or at midnight,
or at cockcrow, or in the morning.
May he not come suddenly and find you sleeping.
What I say to you, I say to all: 'Watch!'"

Carols and cookies, gifts and garland, stockings and Santa--Christmas may be starting earlier and earlier, but today, the new year gets its due. No need for ball drops, countdowns, or champagne, though.  The new liturgical year comes only with a wreath, four candles, and the invitation to keep watch.

The liturgical year is a beautiful thing.  The cyclical movements of preparation, incarnation, repentance, death, and resurrection mark our collective life in God, and their celebration shapes our minds and hearts to see the divine presence in the most ordinary of times.   It is a gift to journey through these seasons time and time again, continually reflecting on the life of Christ and the summons of the Gospel.  Advent in particular walks us through hope, peace, joy and love as we look forward to the incarnation of God-with-us.

As we begin a new year in the life of the Church today, Jesus urges us, his disciples, to be watchful and alert.  But for what?  Where?  If we are to keep our eyes peeled for the Lord, we ought to have some sense of what we are looking and waiting for.

Perhaps today as we begin this holy season we can ask ourselves, Where do we expect to find Christ in the course of our days?  How can we become more attentive to God’s ever-presence in our world?  And this week especially, where do we catch radiant glimpses of the hope made manifest in the Incarnation?

--

Written for Fairfield University's 2011 Advent Reflection Series

Go and do likewise.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Memorial of St. Dominic

Deuteronomy 10:12-22

Over the weekend a close friend of mine sent me an email asking me for feedback on a reflection she had written. She is a candidate with the Sisters of St. Joseph, and as part of her candidacy, she is required to undergo a two-day psych evaluation preceeded by a 37-pg questionnaire requiring written responses.  The reflection she sent me was in the response to the following prompt: “to write a summary of what is important in living as a Christian, imagining that she was explaining the teaching and example of Jesus to an intelligent and well-disposed adult who is interested in Christianity but not familiar with the Gospels.”

A summary of the Gospel message, of what it means to live as a Christian.  That's no small task.  I wonder what you or I would write in response to this question.

The response of my friend was thoughtful, integrated, and compelling.  She began with the bare facts –  “believing that Jesus Christ, a first-century Jew, was God become man who died at the hands of local authorities for his teachings and rose from the dead three days after his death.”   From this groundwork she moved to what she believes are the essentials of the Gospel message – that “life in all its intricacies can be boiled down to two teachings – love God and Love your neighbor as yourself.  The two go hand in hand and from them stems the fruit and calls of a Christian life: hope, humility, joy, justice, unity, and surrender.”  She wrote that the life of a Christian begins with loving God and allowing God to love us.  The consequence of this intimate relationship is that we are moved to love and care for others, to live a life of joyful hope and humble service to others modeled after Christ’s example of radical and boundless love.  This love of God and neighbor should move the Christian to forgiveness, right relationship, charity and justice.  “The Christian models Christ”, she writes, “by working for the least of those in the world, welcoming the outsider, and caring for those forgotten by society.”

Though he lived long before Christ, Moses’ words in today’s first reading could be a response to the very same question to which my friend responded.  “What does the Lord, your God, ask of you?”, Moses says to his people.  “Follow his ways.  Love and serve the Lord with all your heart and all your soul.  Keep the commandments.  The Lord has chosen you, out of love, to be his own.  Our God is a God of justice, who feeds the hungry, befriends the alien and the sinner, gives food to the hungry, sustains all things, raises up life.”  And Moses does not forget the profound and necessary implications of this reality – “so you too must befriend the alien, for you were once aliens yourselves…”.  Moses first highlights the love of God and our own need to respond in love, reminding us that each of us is, in a sense, alien in this world--we are all pilgrims on the road to back to God, and we are, in fact, our brother and sister’s keeper.

What does it mean to be a Christian?  What is at the heart of the life and teachings of the first-century Jew who we believe is God incarnate?  Perhaps today we could ask ourselves these questions, and keep in mind the responses of Moses and my friend—that first and foremost the life of a Christian is a life overcome and defined by the intimate, life-giving love of God in Christ.  But the power and beauty of the Gospel message of this love is that it demands something great of us.  It demands that we go and do likewise.

Yet another 'homily' for a Fairfield U communion service.  Thanks Colleen for the alley-oop on this one.

God our help

Monday, August 1, 2011

Numbers 11:4b-15 - A frustrated Moses journeying out of Egypt with hungry and ungrateful Israelites 

Psalm 81: 12-17 - Sing with joy to God our help

Matthew 14:22-36 - Jesus walks on water and commands Peter to fearlessly do the same

We know this Moses well.  Here he is in the first reading, journeying with the Israelites out of Egypt to the Promised Land and caring for them as their divinely chosen leader, yet burdened by the suffering, and the stubbornness, of the Israelites.  His people, so many of them, are in their hunger begging to be fed while still recalling that even in their enslavement in Egypt, they at least ate their fill.  Pained by their endless cries of hunger and despair, Moses cries out to God in exasperation: Why me? Why should I be responsible for them? What did I do to deserve this, and how will I possibly satisfy their hunger? I cannot do this on my own…”

I imagine that many of us gathered here today often feel these same sentiments in the day-to-day of our lives.  How often do we feel overwhelmed by our responsibilities, and weighed down by the immensity of the need around us?  How often do we give, and give, and give of ourselves, and feel so little appreciated in return?  Whether it is caring for elderly parents or grandparents, raising children, laboring to teach our students, or feeling compelled to respond to the needs of St. Charles Food Pantry or the refugees in Somalia, no doubt we have moments when the human struggle we witness causes us to ask “Why?  Why should I be responsible for this?  How will I possibly meet their endless needs? I cannot do this on my own…”

We are commanded to love one another, yet we often struggle to find the energy.  We are called to feed the hungry, but where to find the food?  We are asked to walk on water, but the strength of the wind is terrifying.

It is in these moments of fear and frustration, when we feel the weight of the world on our shoulders and in our hearts, that we find ourselves in the company of Moses and Peter.  Struggling with the seeming impossibility of the Lord's command, they simply cry out, “Lord, save me!”   Their courageous act of faith invites us to trust that we too will be met with saving grace in Jesus’ outstretched hand the moment we reach for God our help.

Written for a lay-led communion service at Fairfield University, 8/1/2011

Ask Anything

--this reflection was originally written for yHope, the Catholic young adult group that welcomed my wandering soul during my year living in Boston, for their meeting on 7/23/11.--

First reading of the seventeenth Sunday of ordinary time

1 Kings 3:5, 7-12

The LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream at night. 

God said, “Ask something of me and I will give it to you.” 
Solomon answered:
“O LORD, my God, you have made me, your servant, king
to succeed my father David;
but I am a mere youth, not knowing at all how to act. 
I serve you in the midst of the people whom you have chosen,
a people so vast that it cannot be numbered or counted. 
Give your servant, therefore, an understanding heart
to judge your people and to distinguish right from wrong. 
For who is able to govern this vast people of yours?”

The LORD was pleased that Solomon made this request. 
So God said to him:
“Because you have asked for this—
not for a long life for yourself,
nor for riches, 
nor for the life of your enemies,
but for understanding so that you may know what is right—
I do as you requested. 
I give you a heart so wise and understanding
that there has never been anyone like you up to now, 
and after you there will come no one to equal you.”

In this reading, Solomon is basically given one wish, one prayer to be granted by God.  “Ask something of me and I will give it to you”, says the Almighty. Without hesitating, Solomon nails it – he asks not for superfluous, selfish treasures but the ability to serve God and God’s people as they deserve.  As so often asked of us in the Gospels, he humbles himself in order to be exalted. 

I’m sure many of us would welcome this opportunity from God as well – to choose one thing over which God would wave a magic wand.  It sounds far-fetched, but if we believe that prayer actually ‘works’ (and I don’t know if or how it does), then we best be thinking about what it is we would ask for.

I am reminded of a framework for discernment that was suggested to me when I was struggling trying to decide what program I would volunteer with after graduation. Having exhausted many discernment techniques from ignatian imaginative prayer to doodling pictures of what each program “feels like”, a campus minister finally sat down with me and stripped the question down to its bare bones – he asked me “what do you want, what do you really want, and what do you truly desire?”

Exhausted and frustrated, the weight of that question’s simplicity brought me to tears.  I decided I’d had enough – I didn’t know what I truly desired, but I knew what I simply wanted at that moment was a chicken wrap.  Off I went, and juggling these questions en route to the dining hall, lightning struck—what I truly desired was what Rostro de Cristo offered in Ecuador.

I’ve carried this three-question framework for discernment with me since then.  It served me well this time a year ago, when my job in Boston was about to expire and I had to make a move toward my next step – I had tentative opportunities in Ecuador and in Peru, but had no idea what I would do if I stayed in the States. I sat down on the bank of the Charles with these three questions – what do I want, what do I really want, and what do I truly desire – and spent hours journaling out my responses.  At first I let arise the things I wanted – to paint, to be at my friend’s wedding, to walk barefoot on green grass – and slowly followed these things until they led to what I truly desired – to live joyfully as my complete self, to give my life over to others, to be united with God. This exercise again helped me to sort through the heaps of emotions – from the seemingly superfluous to the nearly profoundly unspeakable – in order to find the direction that God had laid in my heart.

Once we are aware of our heart’s deepest desires comes the lifelong challenge of trusting enough in God’s offer of fulfillment.  “Seek, and you shall find; knock, and the door shall be opened; ask, and it will be given to you…”.   Too often I question the efficacy of prayer; my inquisitive mind wonders how intercessory prayer even works. It’s not magic, so what is it?  Having no answers to the inner mysteries of the Diving Life, I shrug my shoulders and leave the asking and knocking until I can make more sense of these things.

Again, I am reminded of a recent experience of the call to have faith in prayer itself.  Two weeks ago I was in Mexico City with a close friend and we spent several hours at the site of the apparition of Our Lady of Guadalupe – affectionately known simply as la virgen to the Mexicans.  Now, if I’m confused about the powers of intercessory prayer to God, even more so than those invoking Mary’s aid and protection.  I just don’t know what to make of her.  Thus, my internal posture at this extraordinary location was perhaps one of highly reverent curiousity rather than one of devotion.

Responding to my mild skepticism was a plaque outside the basilica with the words that Mary spoke to Juan Diego.  What caught my attention was the following: “I wish that a temple be erected here quickly, so I may therein exhibit and give all my love, compassion, help, and protection, because I am your merciful mother…Let not your heart be disturbed. Do not fear that sickness, nor any other sickness or anguish. Am I not here, who is your Mother? Are you not under my protection? …What else do you wish?…”

Ask. Seek. Knock. 

So, surrounded by thousands of devoted Mexicans gazing at the original cloak of Juan Diego for the first time in recent memory, I took the risk of asking, digging deep and pouring my heart out to this Mary figure who seems really insistent upon helping us out.  And so far, it seems to be ‘working’…

And so we return to Solomon.  What if God were to come to us in a dream, tonight, and make the same offer? – “ask something of me and I will give it to you.”  To respond to God’s generosity, we, like Solomon, must reckon with these two challenges.  First, are we in touch with the most profound, intimate desires of our hearts—what we want, what we really want, and what we truly desire?  And then, do we trust enough to dare to ask for it?

This says it better.

I've never seen anything that more perfectly captures what I was trying to express with that reflection on the Visitation.

Unfortunately I have no idea who the original artist is, but I give credit to Tracy Kemme, beloved Ecua-community mate, for sharing it with me.  Tracy, thank you for being a Mary-Elizabeth relationship in my life.

The Visitation: Sharing God's Glory

Written for the Fairfield University Alumni Advent Reflection Series. Additional reflections can be found online.

Luke 1: 39-45

Mary set out in those days and traveled to the hill country in haste

to a town of Judah, where she entered the house of Zechariah

and greeted Elizabeth. 

When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the infant leaped in her womb,

and Elizabeth, filled with the Holy Spirit, cried out in a loud voice and said,

"Most blessed are you among women,

and blessed is the fruit of your womb. 

And how does this happen to me,

that the mother of my Lord should come to me? 

For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears,

the infant in my womb leaped for joy. 

Blessed are you who believed

that what was spoken to you by the Lord

would be fulfilled."

I do not know what thoughts and feelings accompanied Mary on that journey to Judah, or why she set out to see Elizabeth in the first place. Did she go forth in haste to serve Elizabeth in solidarity, as my young nun friends in South America attest? Did she go to witness Elizabeth's pregnancy as a confirmation of her own private revelation, as my bible footnotes? Or, as my roommate who has supported several friends through young and unplanned pregnancy asks, did she pick up and go in order to avoid the shame that likely would have plagued her in her hometown? Did her total self-giving and the promise of the annunciation protect her from the daunting realities of an unwed pregnancy and save her from all doubt and anxiety?

Whatever questions and emotions may have traveled with Mary on the path to Judah, she must have arrived there in overwhelming joy and awe at the Word made flesh within her. Why else would just the sound of her voice cause such an exalted response from the depths of Elizabeth's being? Only immense hope could make Mary's greeting so powerful that her joy spread like wildfire, even causing the infant in Elizabeth's womb to dance. Of course this young Jewish woman went to be with her cousin. Who can keep the wonder of God's glory all to herself?

Mary's active embrace of her own truth filled her with a deep joy, a wholeness that is fulfilled and confirmed when shared with Elizabeth. She arrived in Judah not only as herself, but as a carrier of God's own Being. Elizabeth, because she also knows the power of God's grace, is immediately capable of recognizing the Divine Presence within Mary, proclaiming her blessed. Her response to Mary is one of deep humility and reverence: Why am I so favored, that the mother of my Lord should come to me?

In her spirit of exuberant joy, Mary is teaching us that by living in union with Truth, we carry Christ to others and have the power to ignite the life deep within them. Elizabeth, in her reverence, is asking us to allow God's grace to sensitize us to the Spirit flourishing in our neighbor. Together these two women, pregnant and enlivened by the Spirit, share a common holiness as prophets and witnesses to God's extraordinary mercy and love in the most unlikely circumstances.

May the Word take root in our innermost being, be nourished by our faith in the promise of God's grace, and spread a contagious fire of joy, palpable in the mere sound of a greeting, the vibrations in the air that go forth before us.

Non-homily brought to you by a young lay woman.

A 'reflection' that I gave 'during the time of the homily' at a parish in Winchester, MA this weekend to fundraise for Rostro.

--


Actively awaiting the kingdom. All three readings this morning speak to us of a participating in, trusting in, and awaiting God’s Kingdom. The first reading from the book of Wisdom depicts the faith and courage of the Jewish people as they longed for salvation. In the second reading, Paul recounts Abraham’s complete and total submission in faith to God’s will as he left his homeland for an unknown destination—the promised land—because he believed that the one who made the promise was trustworthy.

Finally, in the Gospel, Jesus proclaims the parable of the servants who are rewarded for their active vigilance while their Master is away. Upon his return, the vigilant servants, those who cared for one another and that which the Master has entrusted to them, are invited to recline at table, and the Master Himself serves them. Contrary to this, the ignorant and lackadaisical servant is severely punished for his disengaged attitude and mistreatment of his fellow workers.

What are these readings demanding of us? Not only that we wait in joyful hope for the Kingdom and trust completely in God’s promise of salvation, but that we actively participate in the coming of this kingdom through total faith and service to others.

Now, who am I to be speaking about any of this, and why am I the one standing before you today?

My name is Elyse and I want to share with you my experience of the readings we heard today.

After graduating from Fairfield University, I joined a year-long volunteer program called Rostro de Cristo—which means, in Spanish, the face of Christ—in hopes of more concretely exploring my faith while dedicating myself full-time in service to the poor. Similar to Abraham, I was called to go out to a place – Ecuador – and I went out by faith, sojourning in a foreign country, not knowing exactly what God had in mind.

This program, Rostro de Cristo, invites young people from the U.S. to live and serve in Ecuador in order to experience the prophetic presence of Christ among the poor. Every morning I tutored at a Catholic school in a classroom with a dozen young teenage girls who were at a third grade reading level. Why? Because the insufferable poverty forced them to drop out of school in order to work to help feed their family. Every afternoon, I opened the doors to an after-school program and without fail, in came running up to fifty children who would otherwise spend their afternoons searching for new toys amidst heaps of trash or simply playing soccer in the dirt streets because they have no pens at home to complete their homework.

Some of my fondest memories come from my time as a catechist in a local parish. Gathering weekly in a wooden church about the size of this sacristy, seated in a circle on plastic chairs, I was challenged time and time again to understand the Gospel message through the eyes of my young students: Cindy, a feisty sixteen-year-old who lives in a two-room cane house with her mother and two sisters, or Anthony, an eleven year old whose narrow frame shows evidence of childhood malnutrition. What would they think of Jesus’ words in today’s Gospel: “Be vigilant…Sell your belongings and give alms...”. What belongings? Yet day after day, week after week, I was astounded at the generosity, truly the charity, of my friends and neighbors in Ecuador. Rarely was I able to enter a home without being offered a small meal or glass of soda—almost as if I were the Master returning home in Jesus’ story. Together we were actively awaiting the Kingdom—a kingdom of love, of justice, of right relationships; a kingdom of needs met, where a mother does not have to choose which one of her four children she will send to school while the others work in the streets, a kingdom where basic healthcare and clean water are universally accessible. Together we were the servants, caring for Christ the Master by serving one another – through offerings of rice and beans, open hearts, and sincere presence.

As a young adult Catholic, my faith and worldview were radically transformed by participating in the lives of the poor in Ecuador. Never again will I see my life as mine alone. I am now acutely and irreversibly aware of the deep responsibility each of us has to create a more just world and to ease the suffering of those around us, as near to us as our siblings, and as far as our brothers and sisters across the world. But I am just one. Every year, Rostro de Cristo hosts up to sixteen young adult Americans who live and serve as volunteers in Ecuador for one year. In addition to this, we annually host around three hundred high school and college students on week-long immersion retreats in order to be radically transformed in the same way. Not only does Rostro de Cristo work to accompany and meet the needs of the poorest of the poor, it is an extraordinarily formative and life-changing experience for the young adults—the future leaders of our Church and our world—who participate in this program.

I humbly invite you today to join myself, hundreds of other Rostro de Cristo participants, and all of our neighbors in Ecuador, in being a servant in today’s Gospel, actively awaiting the Kingdom. Without a doubt, each of us is called to live out our common vocation of faithful service in unique ways—as parents, teachers, caregivers, students, etc. We are also called, in particular by today’s Gospel, to give alms. A second collection will be taken up today to support the good work of Rostro de Cristo in Ecuador. I invite you to prayerfully consider how your generosity will contribute to this Kingdom of justice and needs met. Your donations will directly impact the lives of our neighbors in Ecuador by allowing Rostro de Cristo year-long volunteers to continue serving full-time in health clinics, hospitals, schools, shelters, and after-school programs. In addition, your generosity will offer this powerful immersion experience to hundreds of young people every year.

There is more information about Rostro de Cristo and our work in the pews. I will be available in the lobby after mass, along with another Rostro de Cristo alumni volunteer, Jon. We look forward to speaking with you in more detail about Rostro de Cristo and our volunteer experiences.

On behalf of Rostro de Cristo and all those whose lives are touched by your generosity, thank you. May God bless you today and always as together we actively and faithfully await God’s Kingdom.

What was the point? Part 1. (subtitle: an apologetics of short-term immersion trips)

So, I've been back in the States for 9 months now, and havent blogged in almost a year. Do I have any readers left? Either way, this is the first in a two-part (maybe more?) series of my reflecting on my experience as a Rostro de Cristo volunteer in Duran, Ecuador.

FYI: I'm currently working as the RdC Assistant Director in our offices in Boston, until August (no, I don't know what I'm doing next...do you?). Most of my energy is/was spent preparing the short-term immersion retreat groups, recruiting and selecting year-long volunteers, and preparing to send them off to Ecuador...among other administrative things. Today, my energy went to writing the following email to the adult leaders of a high school retreat group that visited Duran in February 2010:



I am glad to hear that the experience is taking root in your students and is bearing fruit. This calls me to reflect on a sentiment/struggle that both you and your co-leader articulated in the evaluations that you completed upon your return. You both bring up the questions of 'doing more harm than good' and the trip being 'more selfish than selfless...who were we helping more, us or them?...it was hard to see how we were helping others at points...it was difficult to understand our long-term influence.'


It is important to recognize and embrace the unique dual and mutual mission and vision of the Rostro de Cristo program. As you read our mission and vision, you will see that our mission begins with the "young people from the United States" and is lived "together with the people of Ecuador". RdC's impact is aimed at the young North Americans and the Ecuadorian community alike--and in that, the whole global community. Yes, it helps 'us' (the gringos) tremendously. Call this the 'selfish' part. The truth is, we (gringos, society, Church, and world) are desperately in need of that transformation. This is truly Fr Jim's vision of arriving at social justice--that the RdC experience radically impact the lives of these students in such a way that as they move through their lives into positions of influence and power (in corporate america, hospitals, high schools, parishes, family life, and relationships), the balance is gradually tipped toward using these positions justly, with a preferential option for the poor, building up the Reign of God. Obviously, we all may not be around to see "our long-term influence" on the students. To use the often-quoted Romero prayer, "we may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders, ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own". In the Ecuadorian communities, the long-term influence is seen when you zoom out and remember that we now host 26 retreat groups and 12-16 year-long volunteers each year, and have been doing this for 20 years (and God-willing, many more to come).


Yes, it is difficult to see how we are 'helping others', and I think that's precisely the point, to challenge our U.S. notions of 'helping' and 'serving'. RdC offers a way of 'helping' and 'serving' that can be painfully unfulfilling for our American appetites for progress and results. This moves us to understand that "we cannot do everything...this enables us to do something...it may be incomplete, but it is a beginning" (again, Romero). Call this the 'selfless' part. We are left unsatisfied. It is a dissatisfaction that will hopefully provide the energy and resolve to make "life-long commitments to service, social justice, and solidarity" (our vision)---commitments that cannot be reached by simply donating money to Damien House or Nuevo Mundo rather than flying to Guayaquil to encounter Truth in relationships.


So, how then does our mission serve ("help") the Ecuadorian communities as well? We provide human resources to our partner foundations--mentors to boys fighting to stay off the streets, English teachers to schools struggling to stay fully staffed, loving companionship to lonely Damien patients, after-school programs (necessary school supplies, homework help, value-based education, critical thinking skills, conflict resolution, a safe space, etc...) for dozens of desperate families and their children. At these after-school programs, our retreatants offer one-on-one attention to kids who (if lucky enough to attend school) sit in classrooms with 60 other students. Crafts bought at Damien House and in the neighborhoods add to families' meager monthly income. RdC gainfully employs a number of Ecuadorians from these neighborhoods.


At the end of the day, the most important benefits, and the true value of the program, is found in the intangible and the unquantifiable--the transformation of individual hearts and minds that eventually leads to the transformation of our world. It is seen in the lives of alumni volunteers who work for non-profits seeking to improve public education in U.S. urban schools, or are opthalmologists serving the poor in clinics in Honduras, or work on the USCCB Justice for Immigrants Campaign, or represent individuals detained at Guantanamo Bay, or serve with the American Red Cross in overseas disaster relief. It is heard in the countless stories of retreatants who are ignited with a passion for service and justice, eagerly seek post-graduate service opportunities, fundraise thousands upon thousands of dollars for RdC programs and partners, recall their experiences in Duran when considering extracurricular activities or employment opportunities, and seek Christ-like relationships with friends, family, and whomever they encounter in their daily lives.


The tension you feel is real, and is one that all RdC participants (retreatants, volunteers, and directors) wrestle with. Ours is not a perfect program, nor is it an end in itself. It is a mission that is living its way into becoming an effective means of bringing about justice, transformation, and the Kingdom of God.

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www.rostrodecristo.org

Help us continue: http://www.justgive.org/giving/donate.jsp?charityId=16032&

a weekend well-lived

for the sake of time, emotional energy, and mental capacity, i am just posting a recent email to a close friend. that´s to say, get ready for nothing special or profound, or gramatically correct, in this blog.

friday night i started making a hammock with wellington. its burgundy and olive green and although i insist on doing the work, wellington is bored as our guard on the night shift and is doing most of the work on it . saturday morning i had encebollado (fish soup, heavy on cilantro) with wellington and soraya as their kids and neighbors kids ran around the house and swung on a hammock and watched weird japonese movies. then i went to visit gabriel and his wife teresa. he´s 78 and is a leather worker and is a character and storyteller and i laughed with them for an hour as i sipped a pepsi he gave me and we talked about this Padre Alberto priest sex scandal thing, the possibility of being a nun (i better not do it out of despair or without knowing what i´d be getting into , because then i´ll just end up like padre alberto) , retreat groups, if they see the face of christ in rostro de cristo, etc. then i hopped on two busses to guayaquil and had lunch with the nuns i know, at which point God was just screaming in my face through every word they said, and i was fed and nourished and had the most real experience of prayer with another person that i´ve ever had in my life. i spent 3 hours there then came home and cleaned the bathroom and we had our neighbors omar and elizabeth and their 4 yr old hyperactive son over for dinner; rice, fried meat, and beet salad, with a pumpkin cake we made for dessert, which was to die for. we chatted about them being robbed a week ago, and elizabeth being worried to ever try to make a cake (hardly anyone here has ovens). got up early the next morning and went to 7am mass with my community, then went to arbolito and spent an hour in intense personal prayer as they were at 9am mass. then amy and i went to pastora´s and spent 4 hours crocheting. i have 13 of 16 squares that will turn into a purse, if the blessed day ever comes when i finish the damn thing. watched the usa brasil soccer game while we crocheted, boo that usa biffed it and lost. then i was heading back to the arbolito house and ended up at jenny and oscars for 4.5 hours. i played soccer with their kids oscarito, luis, and niko, and quizzed them on english words. jenny and i flipped through a magazine from 1990-something and looked at delicious recipes, talked about love, community relationships, God, and she remembered that they forgot to say the rosary that day, as they do every sunday, so i said ok lets pray then, and we rounded up the family and said the rosary toether. then they invited me to stay for dinner and we had rice and chicken and a tomato and pepper salad and a maduro (ripe plantain). then at around 8 i went back to the arbolito house and we had a birthday party (ice cream and conversation) with aide, who is our rostro employee who works with retreat roups and with me at manos, she turned 19 on thursday. she annouced to us that the sociology census she´d been working on for universtiy about media and communications in guayauil is being published in the newspaper, because her data is more reliable than whats usually printed in the paper, which is why its a huge deal. then amy and i had a little meeting about the mission statement we´re writing for our afterschool programs, and we got so stuck on the vision, and realized that its so beyond us that we cant be in charge of writing it. our vision for these programs is that we will have sharp pencils with erasers for every kid to use every day. that we will be fully staffed and can check every kids homework. that we will have a day when no one hits anyone else. that is as big as our vision is. i slept in arbolito sunday night and went to work from there monday morning and gave the first english test of the year. one girl completely flat out copied off a previously given worksheet, but the rest did fairly decent. then i had the absolute joy of sitting in on their faith education class, taught by luis alberto. his lesson was about the time jesus spent on earth after his resurrection, but they interrupted about every 2 minutes iwth an obnoxious ¨espérate profe....¨ and then asked the questions that are important to them: if God sent us to earth like this, why do we wear makeup? is it bad to wear makeup? why do, what are they called, catholics, wear pants, but the evangelicals that live next door to me wear skirts? profe, did you always know all this stuff or did someone teach you too? i sat there cracking up and was fascinated that they have an authentic interest in a class (its the first i´ve seen of this in 11 months), that they are engaging with their catholic faith, and that they have no hesitations to challenge the teacher and completely derail his lesson plans. there is life and joy and challenge every day. there is life.

ya mismo...

Together we build our church

About three weeks ago I was invited to join in a staff meeting at Santiago with Toty, the director, and 4 other teachers (Junior, Daniel, Elizabeth, Olguita).

With the new school year starting mid-April, Toty began the meeting by reminding us all to welcome the 10-or-so new students exhuberantly into the family of Centro Educativo Santiago Apóstol. Then she continued by pointing out how very shortstaffed they currently are - in need of a new school psychologist, a new teacher, and a new community liason / social worker-- nevermind classroom space and supplies. Then, with a recent newspaper article in hand about social epidemics, she pointed out that just as the Apostles were small group of people that were able to do something so huge as spreading the Gospel and starting a Church, so too can they start a social epidemic as a small group of people. As teachers and mentors to 50-something former working children, they affect the lives of the kids, who affect the families, who affect the communities. But, what Toty really emphasized as the most important thing is that everything they do must be centered in the truth of Christ, crucified and resurrected. It wouldn´t matter if they had a beautiful building, all the school supplies they needed, and 10 more school psychologists and staff--it would be worth nothing if we didn´t have the love of God in our hearts. We need to trust God beyond all things, putting our faith not in our own efforts but in God working through us.

Toty spoke beautifully and eloquently on these themes for about an hour, then asked us what we think about all of this.

Junior spoke about his desire for a sense of fraternity amongst the staff; Daniel said something that i didn´t pay attention to at all because i was still so blown away by Toty. Then they all looked at me, and asked me what i thought.

First, i said i was without words because i was so moved by everything. Then for the first time in my 8 months working there, i shared myself with my ecua-coworkers, i spoke from my heart. I said that i was really touched by everything Toty said because it is so close to Rostro´s mission and so important to me in my own life. I told them that what Toty said about trusting not our efforts but God working through us is what allowed me to show up there every morning, because i´d never had experience working with kids before, never spoke spanish before, and never taught before--everything they needed me to do for them. I wrapped up my two cents by gushing about how much i love the Foundation and hope to have coworkers like them wherever i end up in the States.

Well they apparently had no idea that i came here with zero of the skills i have now, and they had no idea that i´m as obsessed with them as i am. What a great feeling, to be known. It was scary. I was vulnerable, and i was human.

Then to top it all off, Olguita allowed herself to be vulnerable too. Olguita is this tiny yet larger-than-life woman who has intimidated me for 8 months because of how strict she can seem, how in-control she is over everything (in a ¨i won´t ask anything important of you because you won´t do it exactly the way i want it¨ kind of way), but most of all, how she commands such respect and obedience of a group of pre-teen girls that won´t ever give me the time of day. In this meeting she was nearly in tears saying that she is so nervous for the new students to arrive--what would their challenges be? how would she respond to them? how would she teach them? The unknowns terrified her.

Imagine me sitting there, as this woman became human for the first time in my eyes. How on earth could she feel that way? She knows everything! I talked with her after the meeting and apparently she also had no idea that i thought this of her. And she denied being invincible.

I saw humanity in that meeting, and through that, saw divinity. This is the church. This is people called together. This is solidarity. This is people not working jobs, but working to participate in the building up of the Kingdom of God in Guayaquil. Since that day, i no longer show up every morning in timidness but in joy.

Hey--maybe solidarity really can change the world.


Please pray for the foundation as it struggles with finances and personnel to offer education, love, and reconciliation to Guayaquil´s streetkids.


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If so moved, donations can be made to Centro Educativo Santiago Apòstol by donating to Rostro de Cristo and earmarking it for the school.

Unexpectations

Looking back...

As it turns out, we can´t stack the deck of our spiritual journey. We don´t really choose our path to Christ. I went into Lent thinking ¨this year will be more meaningful, this Lent will really move me. Fasting will take on new meaning amidst malnutrition. Sacrifice will mean more amidst poverty. I will learn about God through all these things. They will inspire my prayer and enrich my life here.¨

Sure, the hunger pains reminded me that the kids at Manos feel that every day. Yes, choosing not to fill silence and free time with tv, music, catching up on work, or unnecessary visits to the cyber helped me to understand how these luxuries should be used. But it was a personal relationship in the States that burned down that taught me how to love from the middle of the fire. And being able to share that with select neighbors here really put me in a slingshot to more authentic human relationships, a sharing of selves, with women that have been cheated on, unloved, abused, and humiliated in ways far too familiar for women here. And from the depths of their suffering and the lessons they´ve learned, they helped me resurrect.

Not really how I expected to enter into a deeper conversation with Christ, or experience solidarity with Ecuadorians, or learn a little bit about how to love from the cross, or get a glimpse of the glory of God in brokenness and forgiveness, or feel the hope that the resurrection means for us. But lucky for us, we don´t get to decide how God will be present to us.




I get a kick out of retreatants when they ask me ¨so, why are here?¨ Hell if I know. Why did I fill out the application and get on that plane in August, or why did God lead me here and what will it mean for the rest of my life? One I can sort of answer, the other, maybe I´ll never know. And I like it that way.

Allowing ourselves to be nourished

I´ve learned something about God´s love this past week. Mom and Dad were here visiting, and in their week here we received countless invitations from neighbors to share meals with them. So we accepted, and ate homemade ecuadorian meals until our sensitive american bellies were full, full, full. Mom and Dad offered to buy the food they´d cook, or to pay for the desserts they served us that they normally sell from their homes, and no one would ever accept any kind of payment or reimbursement. Mom´s [grateful] reaction to this hospitality was ¨how do you ever get back at these people? how do you ever get even with them if you can´t give them anything in return?¨

Well, the point isn´t to ´get back´, ´get even´, or try to match or even outdo their hospitality. It´s a lesson in humbly receiving. Our neighbors here have a beautiful gift of giving, wholly and selflessly. And sometimes we just aren´t so good at being on the receiving end of that. I´m finding that this year is a lesson in receiving the generosity and love that is poured out for us, in allowing ourselves to be humbled in a way that we are not used to and not always comfortable with. Sort of like God´s love, right? I mean, who among us thinks that we´ll eventually be able to ´get even´ with the love shown to us through the creation, redemption, and sanctification of humanity? The Incarnation, Crucifixion, and Resurrection? We can´t match that. But we can open our hearts to it, humbly receive it, let it take root within us, and reflect it to others in the way we live our lives. Jesus washed feet, but also had his own face wiped. And that Face of Christ is in the giving and receiving of love, which often takes place over a delicious ecuadorian meal. So maybe God´s love is like when you drop by a neighbor´s house and somehow end up with a heaping plate of rice, lentils and plantains in front of you when you didn´t even think you were hungry....but it´s so yummy that you eat it all anyway.

[thought: i wonder who brought the bread and wine to the Last Supper?]

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Other recent happenings:

My community and I successfully raised, killed, and ate 3 chickens. We bought 3 little chicks in early December and loyally fed and cleaned them for 2 months until they got big and tasty, just in time for Mom and Dad´s visit. We ran into a problem a few days before the planned slaughterning...one of the chickens apparently fell ill. It wouldn´t eat, drink, open its eyes, or walk around. Two guards said it may be a little sick, or maybe it just got in a fight with the others, but either way should be killed immediately just to be sure (and, if it´s insides looked ok, it´d be fine to eat). One other guard and his wife swore it was the avian flu and would make us all horribly sick if we ate it. Jesús, my go-to woman for chicken questions, said it likely fell out of the hodgepodge coop we built, or got in a fight--it wasn´t sick, just sad, we didn´t need to kill it, it´s fine to eat! Alas, we killed it with Wellington (guard)and Soraya (his wife) and froze the meet until Jesús could inspect it for us. Typical Ecuador: everyone has differing, occasionally bizarre, opinions and suggestions. (in the end, we did not eat this one. Jesús cooked it and gave it to a very poor neighbor.)

As for the other two chickens, Jesús did the slaughtering and carving and I helped with the cleaning and carving. Dad took pictures, Mom said ´ewwww...´ a lot, but she did pull out 2 feathers (go mom!). One of the reasons of this adventure was to learn how to cook seco de pollo, a typical ecuadorian dish made by boiling down tomatos, peppers, onions, cumin, cilantro, and an ecuadorian fruit into a sauce in which the chicken is cooked. We had enough to feed Jesús´ family, the guards who helped us in this process, and ourselves. Vale la pena. Raise chickens: check!

Note to Andrew of Cabrini College: you asked me to mention in this blog if the chickens ever pecked through that ridiculous cardboard contraption we built for them.....they did´t! Although the screen/floor did eventually fall through, but Wellington resolved that problem by laying down a big piece of wood across the screen. The coop was a soggy busted mess by the time we killed the chickens, but it did hold out. :)

Exciting news fromManos Abiertas! Thanks to donations of childrens vitamins from generous folks in the States, the kids at Manos are now getting a vitamin at the end of the program every day! I did some math and with the amount of vitamins we currently have, Manos kids are set for at least 6 more months (through the rest of my time here), and our after-school programs in other neighborhoods may be able to begin giving vitamins as well. Thank you for helping us care for these kids.

Note: If you are reading this and are interested in sending down vitamins or shool supplies, please contact Helen Rombalski at hrombalski@aol.com. If you´d like to make a financial donation to Rostro de Cristo, visit http://rostrodecristo.org/Give/Give.html .

These are some of the beautiful little faces I see every day at Manos:

Jordy, age 5. Loves paper airplanes.

Playing Memory at recess.

Danny leading the big kids in Pictionary.

Yulisa, Ricardo, Anthony, and Juan Carlos receiving their vitamin.

Plucking the chickens!

Grace like a waterfall

Two weeks ago, 10 wonderful students, a campus minister, and a religious studies professor from Cabrini College had the courage to come live in Durán for a week, and i was blessed enough to be their retreat leader. We spent time with several neighbors in AJS and in Arbolito, and visited some of RdC´s partner foundations. As it turns out, my Spanish is good enough to translate day in and day out for a group of gringos like myself. I learned so much about my neighbors, because the group asked them questions i hadn´t thought to ask yet, and maybe never would have. I watched the group struggle with disconnects between their expectations and what they saw and heard, with the joyful challenge of living simply and in community, and with what this all means for them and their lives. My eyes were opened to seeing Durán, its people, and my year here in a new light. And, (allow me to stereotype for a minute), campus ministers and religious studies professors are generally my favorite people ever, and it was thrilling to be able to think and talk about faith, religion, and life here with brilliant people (who had the humility to want to learn from me, believe it or not...talk about empowering others!). I loved the role of Cabrini´s volunteer retreat leader so much that i´m sort of thinking maybe God is telling me something here? (One thing being that i´m definitly going to grad school someday). To Kristie, Laura G, Laura H, Leah, Chelsie, Andrew, Rizito, Katrina, Shannon, Julie, Christa, and Nick/Ruddy, thank you for opening your hearts and minds to Durán and Rostro de Cristo. Love you all.

I also had a really great birthday while they were here. The kids at Manos Abiertas made me signs and birthday cards covered in painted handprints of their manos abiertas [thank you Kasia for starting this]. I actually cried after the charla in front of all the kids and my retreatants. It was so sweet. And the Fairfield U Eucharistic Ministers´ tradition of writing Christmas cards to alums doing service brought me extra birthday joy. Thanks everyone!

Christmas in Ecuador was really beautiful. As a community, we went caroling on the 21st to our neighbors, complete with homemade Christmas cookies, wearing Christmas socks (thanks Mrs. Amy´s mom!). That Monday night we had a Christmas party with all of us and all Rostro staff and their families. We cooked and ate and danced and played games and testified to the faces of Christ that filled that room. It was a true sign that we really do have family here in Durán.

Since Christmas Eve is the big deal here, not Christmas Day, the 24th was a busy night. For Nochebuena we (the AJS girls) had dinner #1 with Elizabeth, the wife of our guard Omar, who cooked us an amazing meal and filled us with stories about her life as a 23 year old Ecuadorian wife and mother. It was such a blessing to be able to be with her, otherwise she would have been alone Christmas Eve (Omar was working). From there we went to 9pm mass, which shockingly started on time and was packed. After that, we went to dinner #2 around 11:30pm at Wellington and Soraya´s house, another guard-and-wife household, and somehow fit more food in our stomachs than we ever should have. Despite the discomfort that comes with overeating for 5 hours, we had a really wonderful Christmas Eve. On the 25th we went caroling at Damien House and sung to patients living with Hansen´s Disease. We (the whole Rostro gang) had a delicious italian dinner that night at the home of Sr. Annie, a Brooklyn B.V.M, who founded Damien House. There was just more love and hospitality than i ever thought possible this holiday.

Gracias a Dios, we´ve had time off from work since Christmas day. To get out of town, relax, and conocer other parts of Ecuador, Tracy, Melissa, and I packed up our backpacks and headed to Puyo, a small city on the edge of the Amazon. We spent a day in the city meeting honest-to-goodness the nicest and funniest people in this country who are endlessly willing to help a gringa missionara out. On the morning of the 27th we piled into a pickup truck of a jungle tour agency and headed into the Amazonian rainforest. We slept in grass huts, hiked through the forest, got muddy and bitten by bugs, swam in waterfalls, swung from vines, got jungle-facials from ceramic-like mud from riverbeds, snorted juice made out of tree bark that is an effective jungle remedy for nasal congestion, wove headbands out of palm leaves, rode down a river in a canoe, and had a hilariously fun time befriending our tour guide Angel, the only 24 year old Ecuadorian man i´ve met that is not scummy, sleazy, sketchy, or any other word you could use to describe the machismo men in Ecuador. After 3 days in the rainforest, we headed up to Baños, a small, newly touristy city nestled in the spectacular Andean mountains. There, we watched lava spit out of an active volcano, rented mountain bikes and rode 22 kilometers along a highway through the mountains, crawled through tunnels to stand behind an incredibly powerful waterfall, went to mass, had a goodcup of coffee and a delicious pizza-and-pasta dinner, and met up with Angel again to check out the local nightlife. I took maybe around 450 pictures and i´m pretty obsessed with them. I´m posting a few now. Beauty beyond words. Ecuador is a stunningly gorgeous country that God just poured his grace on like a waterfall. I had a really, really great time traveling and being adventurous and whatnot. It was so refreshing to see green again, to be in a beautiful landscape and to not have to be on guard 24/7 around an Ecua male. Though now I´m stuck in an emotion of not being excited to be back in Durán; after seeing what else Ecuador holds, and that Ecuadorians, even the men, are even nicer and more welcoming elsewhere, I´m starting to see that Durán really is the armpit of Ecuador, if you will. I am happy to be back with the neighbors, to converse with them and ring in the new year tonight, but man this town is uuuugly.

Ringing in the New Year with Elizabeth, Walter and Jesús, and the AJS girls.

Don´t drink and drive.

(c) 2008 EJR.

Sure not dreaming of a white Christmas...

Felíz Navidad everyone. Especially to Cabrini College--praying for you all, that you might share the joy of loving hospitality and simplicity with your families. Enjoy the snow!

Christmas plans: Dinner with Omar and Elizabeth (one of our guards and his wife) this evening. 9pm mass. Dinner #2 with Wellington and Soraya (another guard and his wife) after mass, probably till 2 or 3am. Christmas morning brunch with the community. Caroling at Damien House (hospital/home for patients living with Hansens Disease). Christmas dinner at Sr. Annie´s (founder of Damien House), with Pat and Sonya joining us (more phenomenal people, founders of Nuevo Mundo). From there, heading to Puyo with Melissa and Tracy to explore the Amazon rainforest for a few days, then to Baños where we´ll bike around waterfalls and enjoy the Andean scenery. Back on the 31st to join in Ecua New Years traditions such as blowing up añoviejo dolls and dancing all night long.

Wishing all of you a beautiful, joyful Christmas. May we follow Mary´s example and open our hearts to God´s amazing grace so that we too might give birth to an incarnate Christ through our lives.




When will i ever get a chance to actually share with you blog-readers what this year is like?

Rhythm

I´m not sure where I´ve left off in terms of my roles at my worksites. lo and behold, i´m now and English teacher to the módulo 3 girls at Santiago. It´s been quite an adventure trying to gain some sort of authority and command their attention, nevermind planning lessons and trying actually teach things. I gave my first quiz on Wednesday morning (parts of the body, parts of the face, and clothing) and I believe they all failed. One girl was very clearly copying off her neighbor´s quiz so I told her I was taking off one point (out of 20) for cheating and she looked at me with a face that said ¨how dare you even threaten such a thing!¨ and she in turn ripped up her quiz and tossed it in the garbage. Oops, too bad, now you have a zero. It turns out I´m not a softie when it comes to giving grades. Still can´t believe I´m a teacher. I´m learning that teaching calls for such intentionality and love and thought and man, its just a tricky role. I´m also seeing my own educational past in a new light and appreciating in a new way the teachers and professors in my life that are living a vocation that is so powerful. Thanks folks.

*While I´m talking about education, I have to add that ¨Pedagogy of the Oppressed¨ is an absolutely essential read for anyone even remotely involved in the field of education, and also for all of those that give a damn about the shape of the world we live in and the one human family of which we are a part. Lately people have been asking me what they can do to support me, or help the kids I work with. Answer: read this book and think about all the ways in which you are both an oppressor and are oppressed by others. And then strive to bring about justice, that is, right relationships, in your life. You´re not giving things to financially poor kids in some far off place, but rather engaging in the liberation of humanity, which is what Rostro de Cristo is really about anyway.*

Thursday at Santiago was lovely though. The girls greeted me with hugs (funny, because 24 hrs earlier they hated me for giving a quiz that they knew about well in advance) and I was in their Ciencias Naturales class while their teacher Elizabeth taught about water, why it´s vital to living beings, a global water crisis, etc. When the girls heard that there may be wars fought over water they were appalled, in a 12-yr-old sort of way, that anyone would take from someone that which is necessary for life. I found this interesting given that their own water situation is less than ideal. drinkable water is bought in large blue jugs for around $1.25 whenever the truck passes by your house. Water for other use is bought from large tanks that fill the metal barrel outside your house for 70 cents. Running water? Nah.

Manos is a joy as always. Except for this Wednesday (overall a rough day). Right after the program ended, after giving out bread and banana and water to all the kids, a fight broke out right outside the school. The conflict started on the soccer field during recess when one girl blamed another for their team´s loss, and she responded with an insult of some kind. They decided to settle it outside and there was a lot of insulting and kicking of the girl´s bike and almost all the kids at Manos that day were antagonizing and encouraging the fight. Ohh, children. Aide (our ecuadorian manos/rostro employee, 19 yrs old) gave them a good talking to on Thursday about what we strive to teach them at Manos, how their behavior after Manos completely burns that, and that we are there to help them resolve conflicts in nonviolent ways. As a consequence, we cancelled Manos on friday (after much thought about the pros and cons of this) and told them to take the afternoon to think about their behavior. That was neither easy nor fun to do, but we think it was the best choice.

This year is about way more than worksites. I don´t like that that is what i tend to write about. Boo to me. Community life has had its ups and downs. Kasia, the community mate that I live and worked with at both sites, went back home to the States last friday due to a variety of health problems that had escalated above what we as a community could minister to and beyond attempts to get her healthy here. So now I´m the only volunteer at Santiago, which is certainly an opportunity for new growth and flourishing, we are down a volunteer at Manos which is challenging but still very do-able, and our community is transforming. Such is the rhythm of international service.

My first retreat group arrives tonight!! Recall that I came to Ecuador in January with Fairfield U as a winter break service-immersion trip (a very inappropriate title for it, if you ask me). A big chunk of Rostro de Cristo´s mission here is providing educational opportunities to U.S. youth by hosting groups of students from high schools and universities as they engage in the reality of life in Duran for around 10 days. They visit our afterschool programs, worksites, and partner programs in hopes of continuing a process of personal and spiritual transformation that will lead to a greater commitment to service and justice. Anyway, Cabrini College lands at 10:30pm tonight and I will be their volunteer leader for the next 10 days. I´m giddily excited and really hoping that this week flips their world upside down and moves them spiritually.

Because of this upcoming week, I should get back home to squeeze in a nap before the late-night airport run.

Ohh but before I post this, final news: I´m now raising chickens with my community as well! I´ve been spearheading this adventure for about 5 weeks now. The original plan was to raise 3 chickens to slaughter and turn into a delicious meal (with the help of some neighbors) when my parents are here visiting in february, but apparently it takes 3 months for chickens to grow, and due to the community situations that have been going on, the process was delayed and now they may just be a delicious meal in march. (dear mom and dad: sorry i hadn´t mentioned that delay yet. thanks for supporting me in all my stupid ideas, but i dont think you´ll get to kill and eat the chickens with us.) I bought the little chicks today and we build a coop for them mounted against the wall in the most ridiculous fashion, coordinated by Abrahan, our head of security, and Maximo, one of our guards. I think it will be a memorable and smelly experience.

Love.